This Unplanned Life
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She Was Given 9 Months to Live...

5/4/2015

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When I was 19 years old my mom, Anna, was diagnosed with brain cancer. Her tumor was located in an area of her head, that if removed, would have left her in a vegetable state. She was given 9 months to live, she lasted 6. She died 4 days prior to my 20th birthday and my life and family has never been the same.
While she was sick and deteriorating, my siblings and father were all able to say our goodbyes and have our time with her, which eased the pain of her passing. But this was never the plan. My mom was supposed to be there for my college graduation, my marriage, and to meet her grandchildren.
While she was sick, she was able to tell me that she was always going to take care of me, but it would have to be from heaven. We both sobbed after she said this because it was an unfair reality. I am so grateful for hospice and the strength of my father, because they cared for her until her last breath. We were all home with her on June 5, 1998 when my momma passed away in her home. I am blessed and grateful for the time I had with her and will keep her memory alive for as long as I live. 
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I wonder why I am not married, and why I don't have the things I planned yet

4/12/2015

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When I was a little girl, I wanted to tell stories and for people to listen. I wanted to perform them on stage or screen, to write them in books and share them with the world. I even knew at about seven or eight that people had jobs writing the stories on television that I loved so much. I wanted to do it too as I stared at the glowing box of doom, as my great-grandmother called it--either that or the idiot box, which I always took personally. It was teaching me things, I insisted. No one believed me. By the time, I was a teenager, I decided wanted to be a writer, director and a film historian. Then at sixteen-going-on seventeen, otherwise known as my senior year, I switched to back to novelist, actor and screenwriter. I graduated six months before I turned eighteen and decided to focus on acting first. I ended up working with some amazing teachers and wonderful performers, one or two who are quite well-known today. After about a year, I got into writing more and more and, eventually, declared that I would be a novelist and a screenwriter instead. Of course, I still loved drama and actors and wanted to keep them in my life. My plan was to go into casting for my business, teach drama on the side, until I saved enough money to become a full-time novelist. I transferred from college in Los Angeles to a university in New York, where I majored in writing and minored in film. There, I fell in love with a guy from England who had transferred just like me. We became serious but broke up because of an unplanned pregnancy he insisted I terminate. I didn't end up with him though I had planned to stay in New York and marry him for so long. Instead, I came home to California, and he went home to England.

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It was the worst day of my life.

4/12/2015

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One day I was tending to my two year old who had just come down with symptoms of chicken pox. My telephone was ringing off the hook and I was about to go answer it when simultaneously one of my closest girlfriends bounded in my front door and yelled at me NOT to answer the phone. 
I looked at her like she was loopy. 
I picked up the phone. 
It was a phone call from someone my husband worked with. (My husband was on location at a job site in another country very far away). The voice on the phone told me there had been an accident —a plane crash—and my husband was dead.
My girlfriend knew this already as she had been called first and was told to be at my house when I received the news. My husband and I had been together for 18 years. We had a two year old... and it was not a good day for her either as she had itchy spots all over her body from the chicken pox. 
It was the worst day of my life. 
I had not planned on being a widow at 42 and I had not planned on being a single mom.
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We had plans, and I loved the idea of those plans, just not so soon.

4/12/2015

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I'm from a small town in the midwest, had a boyfriend for just under two years, and I was a sophomore in college. My boyfriend was from Australia, so my winter breaks were spend down under. It was during my winter break of sophomore year that he popped the question on New Years Day. I was absolutely stunned. I started crying profusely and he eventually wondered is this a good thing, or a bad thing? I was in utter shock, and I couldn't answer. Well, I guess that WAS my answer. Needless to say, I was 19, in love, though scared out of my mind that if I said no, he'd ever ask again. So, I said Yes. I couldn't tell anyone for a week afterwards, especially my parents. I felt like they would be disappointed in me somehow. While I hoped we would make it, I often think of that time as not happy or exciting, but rather as the beginning of the end of our relationship. I realized how young I was, how much I still had in front of me, and with one word, I was committing to a life I wasn't confident in. With no plans in the process, we made it another 9 months. During this time, I decided to study abroad. Most would think the obvious choice would have been to study in Australia. I chose England. The thought of making another decision for the betterment of his comfort over my own just couldn't happen anymore. I wanted to be free, and explore, and find out who I really was. I broke off the engagement in September and moved to London in January, just a few short months later. I never imagined my life without him. We had plans, and I loved the idea of those plans, just not so soon. Little did I know that breaking my own heart along with someone else's would lead me to the single best decision I have ever made for myself still to this day... 10 years later. What I love about my story is though it was not planned or even a "happy" moment, this event changed the course of my life and who I am today. I am forever grateful, for him, for my own strength, and for my gut knowing which was more important.
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I was becoming the responsible and "normal" adult I had always assumed I would be.

4/12/2015

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I was on a pretty certain trajectory for most of my twenties. I'd settled into a life that was good enough. My boyfriend of 5+ years wasn't as motivated or exciting as he once had been, but he was nice-ish, we didn't fight all that often, and I didn't see any better options (not that I was looking). I was doing well in my grad school career- I liked what I studied and was set to embark on a career in academia (complete with years of nose to the grindstone pre-tenure work and a first position likely to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere). I felt like I was happy enough, and like I was becoming the responsible and "normal" adult I had always assumed I would be.

I spent spring break of my 4th year of grad school working diligently in the lab, enjoying tackling my to-do list without the distraction of undergrads. Wednesday afternoon, I got a call from our lab manager- a 23 year old girl from a town near where I'd grown up who I was friendly with, but who I never socialized with outside the lab. She'd been in at the beginning of the week and knew I was spending my days working. She told me that she had some friends in town and invited me to join them for dinner, saying she thought I must need a break. Though it was against the nature of who I had become at the time, I decided to accept this unplanned invitation, and headed downtown to meet them.

That evening changed my life.

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Never give up on love. It will find you when you least expect it.

4/12/2015

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Two major unplanned events in my life have been: 1). At age 41, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I was single, having never found Mr. Right, and totally supporting myself, so no time off. I underwent a bilateral mastectomy and four months of chemo. No fun, but here I am, 25 years later, so grateful I had a doctor who treated aggressively. Needless to say, I gave up on finding Mr Right. But, low and behold, unplanned event 2) I reconnected with an old friend from high school, and married Mr. Right at the age of 60. I learned a lot through both of these events. First, sometimes life gives you lemons; no one is immune to that. Decide to make the most of whatever your lemons are, either by making lemonade or recreating the hybrid lemon. And never give up on love. It will find you when you least expect it.
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